BEAR NECESSITIES AND OTHER CUBS...
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Erm. Dratted Marmalade... Can't get it out of my fur - infact am stuck to the breakfast table... Apologies... More soon...
Shy xx
Friday, January 30, 2004
Typically there has been a slight problem with Fur and Snow and goodness knows what else, getting caught up in the Internet this week - so we'll be bringing you PART 2 of our look into Bear Shaving sometime next week.
Stay woofy!!
Shy xx
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Hello again...
Well here we are - back for a new discussion - and this week's topic to be debated on and off is...
IS IT EVER OKAY FOR A BEAR TO SHAVE???
It's a tricky one...
I'd only ever consider it if I knew it was going to grow back twice as much to be honest...
I have a story to tell later this week which illustrates some of the problems involved...
But first I thought I'd ask for a few quick opinions from the boys...
Redbeard first... So is it ever ok in his view...
Well he wasn't sure about the rights and wrongs but he did have this to say...
"I remember I woke up once into the middle of the night went into the bathroom and shaved my chest right down my navel!I have absolutely no idea why - and it didnt seem to make much difference to the thickness and itched like buggery when growing back - plus I felt like a chubby middle aged woman without it..."
Thankfully, there were no chubby, middle aged women about at the time and so Red returned to Bears! HOORAH!
Well - I must say that Red's comments do worry me - if in his case there was no strengthening of the fur level... I'm not convinced it's something I'm going to be trying... But I'm willing to hear a further tale...
Womble Cub a.k.a. God Furring Bear had this to say...
"I've shaved everything at various points. I quite liked having a shaved chest once or twice - but its a sod to maintain and it seems a waste to lose the fur. I did shave my upper arms though because of the new tattoo which I recently acquired..."
Hmm... Difficult in that case as in Womble's case there was need of "land clearance" in advance of the arrival of the tattoo - which I've seen and which is completely marvellous...
Seems like shaving brings problems to Bears - lots of itchiness...
I'm not keen - somebody is really going to have to sell this to me to make me ever wanna have a voluntary shave...
I have a story about an involuntary shave to tell you tomorrow or thursday... Until then - anyone with any positive tales of furry men shaving - please get in touch!!!
More soon...
Shy xx
Thursday, January 22, 2004
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Sorry not to have posted in a while - but I've been quite busy and have only just been able to gain access to a PC after a rather embarrassing event that happened soon after new year... But more on that later...
We do aim to return to the themed discussions of last year and the first of these should be coming next week when we pose the question - IS IT EVER OKAY FOR A BEAR TO SHAVE?
Hopefully we'll also be hearing what some of the other fellas have been up to over the Christmas break - I did catch up with a couple of the fellas but you'll be hearing more about that in the next few weeks...
SO what of my Christmas? Well as you may remember I had a rather pleasant encounter with Santa just before Christmas Day and on New Years Eve made the mistake of going to a Dr Who themed New Years Party where I was mobbed and then had to get lots of stickiness out of my fur.
I have also been busy writing some new poems which you can learn more about at www.thedaffypoet.blogspot.com and also have been trying to spend a bit of time with my good friend, Simon Yeti whose site is now back up and running after all of last year's nastiness involving our trip out to the States in mid-November. Simon's latest goings on can be followed at www.worldofyeti.blogspot.com.
Anyway - I mentioned a slight problem that has kept me away from things over the last couple of weeks...
Well, it all goes back to me - out walking on New Years Day around Regent's Park and there am and I see this big sign: WANTED URGENTLY - BEARS!!!! So I think - ey upp - what's going on here - I should offer my services - who knows what fun might be entailed. (I've always thought I'd be quite good in Bear Porn and perhaps that was in the back of my mind...) So, anyway - I go and line up and offer my services and they take me and I sign up and...
Well - it's only bloody LONDON ZOO isn't it... The bear's from zoo have all gone off to appear in blumin' Pop Idol and they've not got any and there's me and this old Daddy called Stan and that's all they've got...
"Excuse me..." I did try to explain to one of the keeper's after the first day, "But I'm not THAT kind of Bear..."
"Yeah - okay... That's what they all say..." said the keeper, a really moody old queen called Spencer.
Well - anyway - I'd signed the contract without looking - so I've been there for the last three weeks until Simon Yeti's lawyers were able to get me out... What a bloody nightmare - and Stan wouldn't leave me alone - I've never seen a man in his 90s move so fast... Hands everywhere... I dunno...
Anyway - so what I want to say is just remember - don't sign before you've read the small print and certainly don't just turn up for any old do just cos the word BEAR happens to mentioned... Like I did...
Enough... I have a poem from my new collection to post up - also called THE SMALL PRINT... I hope you like it... Until then I bid you farewell and hope to hear from some of you soon.
As I said earlier, we should have a post for you concerning BEARS and SHAVING next week - so do take a look.
Hugs and Love and Enjoy the Poem...
Shy xxxxx
THE SMALL PRINT...
I never checked the small print…
I never read the rules…
No-one told me of his snoring…
Or warned me that he drools!
I took him at face value –
As he first appeared to me…
But alas he wasn’t like that…
As I’d taken him to be…
I never checked the small print…
I never knew the worst!
Of his chilli pepper fetish –
And his alcoholic thirst…
I knew not that there were others…
Not just one or two – but TEN!!!
Well, I’ve fallen for him now, see…
I just wish I’d known back then…
I never checked the small print…
I was too caught up in lust…
He bought me antique cufflinks…
Which VERY soon did rust…
He bought for me a hound dog…
A greyhound trained to beg…
Alas, it wouldn’t run though –
Though took a fancy to my leg…
I never checked the small print…
Dyslexic to his charms…
When I caught him kissing Santa…
Then I should have heard alarms!
But I didn’t – I was stupid…
As he drained away my cash…
I gave him all my loving…
All he gave me was a rash…
I never checked the small print…
The bit that holds the catch…
He lived life like a warthog…
And had manners too to match!
He said I left him speechless…
But was just too pissed to speak…
He swore we were forever…
He was gone the following week…
I never checked the small print…
I had small print of my own…
He never read that either…
It should chill him to the bone…
Like some kind of Love Assassin…
I destroyed the life he’d found…
No time now for protesting…
Too late – now he’s six foot underground…
Thursday, December 25, 2003
TODAY'S THEME IS...
IS SANTA A BEAR???
This is something that many of have been wondering for quite some time - he of course looks like a bear - a Daddy Bear or Polar Bear at that... But of course that all depends whether we believe the pictures we see - it's a bit like pictures of Jesus or God - they're just somebody's own imagination...
Down in Belgravia by the Deluxe Food Hall yesterday I saw *my* idea of Santa... Six foot something - sexy goatee - stripped to the waist and showing off a mane of thick dark chest hair. He was wearing the usual Santa gear other than that - red trousers and top - but quite loosely! (He must have been feeling the cold...) What's more he was wearing a placard around his neck with my name on it - that's if my name had been Noel...
Anyway - I took him home...
So is Santa a bear? Hey - give me a minute - I've not unwrapped him yet...
I'll get back to you - sometime... Gimme til New Year...
Hope you find YOUR idea of Santa really soon...
Shy xxxxxxxxx
COMING SOON - IS SHAVING FUR EVER FORGIVEABLE>>>>>>>
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
Friday, December 12, 2003
TODAY WE RETURN TO THE TRICKY SITUATION OF ...
BEARCUBS WHO WANT TO BE KYLIE…
PART TWO
In which the Spice Bears decide whether or NOT to go to the ball…
I can tell you… Those 15 minutes before the Bear guys arrived was one of much panic… In the build up to writing this column I’d talked Kylie with them all and they all had their definite opinions about Bears or Cubs who either adored or wanted to BE Kylie...
"Many do want to be Kylie, but I don't buy it..." Jimmy Bear had said, "Bears in shiny hot pants don't look good - they have asses designed for sexy denim jeans or something, but in gold lame hotpants they look ridiculous. This is one thing twinks can do better than bears - we should impersonate people who deserve it AND are closer to our size, say Mama Cass or someone..."
It was certainly an idea - and I for one am certainly all for anything that celebrates the wonderful Mamas and Papas... (I only WISH I'd thought of being Mama Cass when I did the sponsored walk thing the other year - it would have been so much easier than trying to slim down to a Kim Wilde...)
Womble Cub (a.k.a. God Furring Bear) had his own opinions...
"Cubs and Bears should always have sturdy legs which are manly and hairy..." he had declared to me, "...not entirely Kylie's look - so it might be a tricky one to pull off..." he then added, "You could shave i suppose - but that would upset the Great Bear of Olympus - and also your Bear and Cub friends who might not want to give you such lovely cuddles anymore..."
It's a possibility I'll grant you - as for the Great Bear of Olympus - I'm really not sure of his opinion on body shaving - however that is an entirely different topic and one I'd like to return to in a week or so.
I will add, however, that I do know that Womble has been shaving patches of fluff off his arm - and that this is because he has just got the most gorgeous Tattoo you ever did see. It was specially designed for him and looks like an old fashioned ship with sails and everything. It has many beautiful colours and if you look close enough you can see a small Cub popping his head over the Crow's nest... I have reassured him that shaving his upper arm is fine for tattoo purposes! (as long as he doesn't do a Robbie Williams and get so many that there is no room left for hardly any body fur...) Womble's tattoo is very lovely - and after all a ship covered in fluff would definitely distract from its niceness...
Britpop Cub was as hardline about the whole Kylie thing as I expected him to be...
"Bears who dress up like kylie should be shot..." he began, "Unless its you..." he added, "Cos I think you do in your most private moments. Drag is only good when it's convincing..."
Is he saying that I wasn't convincing... Not as Kylie, mind - but as Kim Wilde... Well - I'll give him that - but that's what makes it all the more funny... All those Carry On Films with Bernard Bresslaw trying to pass himself off a lady - I'm sorry - he tried so hard and yet... Well - I laughed anyway...
"Disco princess bears are the biggest turn off..." BP added. "Now indie beer bears are an entirely different matter..."
But surely it's all just a matter of taste...
Even Redbeard found seeing bears plodding around the dancefloor thinking they were the next Sophie Ellis Bextor just slightly worth the entrance fee to a club... I have to say - it's worth a giggle...
So we’d talked Kylie and the whole dressing up thing… Some of us would - some of us wouldn't... Some liked the songs - some would only go near them if brandishing a chain saw... They were accepting, if not embracing… But this was all before the night we went to the Fancy Dress Party… Everyone had made their views very clear – we either liked her or we didn’t – we respected others wishes to act like her – but basically that wasn’t for us… But here I was - having to tell the boys that the wrong costumes had turned up and that the only way we could go was if we dressed up - not as Kylie - but as the Spice Girls...
“They’re not even bloody popular any more!!! I thought we were going to be the Beatles…”
"Can't I just pretend I'm Beyonce or Holly Valance or something..."
"Or J Lo..."
"Bagsy me be J Lo... Ben Affleck MUST be mine!"
"I'd have gone as Debby Harry - but only Blondie - 70s style..."
“Well I'm not doing it and I AM CERTAINLY NOT being Geri…”
"I will..."
They had been bickering for some minutes... I looked up from behind the sofa where I had been hiding...
Redbeard had spoken, "I'll be Geri... I don't mind..."
"Well I'll be Scary..." I volunteered - trying on the wig for size.
"Well - I'm going to be Posh..." sighed Jimmy.
Womble and Britpop Cubs were already arguing over which one of them would be Baby... In the end it was BP and Womble got to be sporty... Quite apt as he is quite exciteable.
So we went - and we had a fantastic time...
The last I saw of BP and Womble they were riding the glitter ball - whilst Jimmy was found donning a Beer Inspectors costume over his Spice costume - busily calling an unexpected inspection of the cellars... Redbeard was mistaken for Geri by someone who used to go out with her and as for me - well - let's just say I will never be able to eat Sausages again without thinking of a young man named William...
I know I drunk a lot that night and I know my Scary Spice fright wig kept slipping over my eyes - but I'm certain I saw Kylie - or a vision of her - there on the stage and I swear I heard her call out...
"Keep Dancing Bears..." said Kylie, "I'm just glad you didn't dress up as me..."
As I say - I may have been drunk - but I'm not the only person who claimed to see her that night. TEPID magazine reported that she was at a Premier in Scunthorpe - but I'm certain she was there at the Fancy Dress Ball egging us on...
Dancing Bears - Young And Sweet - Only 17 (and a bit...)
NEXT WEEK ON BEARCUB WE LOOK AT STALKERS AND BODY FUR - IS IT EVER ACCEPTABLE TO REMOVE IT???
